Since I’m doing my best to get some exposure, I frequent as many social networks as I can. More often than not, these Web sites have an “About Me” section with a sub-section for favorite movies. I’m always fascinated with the common threads that tie everyone together. One film title that I constantly find on female social networking profiles is The Notebook. This appalls me, not because it’s a bad movie, per se, but because the romance portrayed in the film represents both everything that’s wrong in relationships and apparently what women want in relationships.

It goes without saying that you shouldn’t read this if you haven’t seen the movie yet.

OK, so we have Noah and Allie and they’re just two crazy kids in love. We’ve all been there. It’s easy to fall in love over the summer when you’re young and silly and having fun lying in the street laughing at stoplights. That’s why, at the end of the day, Allie’s parents were right in splitting them up. What did Allie know about love? She was 17. She knew everything about passion — agreed — but that’s not love. Love — real love — is loving someone when it’s hard, when they don’t deserve it, when they’ve hurt you in the worst way. Real love does not blossom in the span of one summer.

Noah and Allie find themselves separated for seven years, during which time they live out very different lives and meet new people. They still carry a torch for each other and that’s fine. I still think of girls I knew in high school and wonder what ever became of them. It’s natural, but Allie meets Lon and he’s amazing. He comes from the same background. He’s charming, has great prospects and, let’s not forget, he absolutely loves Allie. She claims to love him back and he has no reason to doubt her since she’s agreed to marry him. This is awesome. This is what every person hopefully strives for when they seek out relationships. Yet the moment Allie sees Noah’s picture in the newspaper, everything that she and Lon built suddenly and completely goes down the toilet. Flush. No floaters.

She tells Lon that she’s going to visit the Old Town, knowing full well that she’s actually going to see Noah. Lon, of course, has no problem with her visiting anywhere because his trust in her is that complete. Allie and Noah reconnect and what happens? She lets him take her to the boneyard. Repeatedly. Astonishingly, Lon, the great guy that he is, forgives Allie and is willing to take her back. Allie declines, opting to be with the guy she knew for a total of three months, hadn’t seen for seven years and has no identifiable source of income.

Never mind that she told Lon that she loved him.

Never mind that she agreed to marry him.

Never mind the entire life she’s built with him.

Allie found “true love” and that’s all that matters.

Everything else be damned!

That brings us to today’s social landscape. Women around the world are watching The Notebook and applauding it, saying to themselves, “Yes. YES! This is proper behavior! My love life should be like this!” This movie tells women that even if they are in committed relationships with men who are good for them, they should cash these men in like a small stack of poker chips in a casino for the chance at passion. Words have no meaning and when you tell someone you love them and that you’ll marry them it should be understood that all contracts are only binding insofar as you don’t run into your ex-boyfriend.

Conversely, The Notebook tells all guys that it doesn’t matter how well you treat your girl. You can offer her financial stability, emotional support and your dashing good looks. None of that matters in the face of true love. And even if you think you’re the one she’s truly in love with, as Lon surely did, The Notebook proves that you’re only right until you’re proven wrong. Therefore, as a boyfriend, you should be as controlling as possible. Don’t let your girlfriend go dancing, grocery shopping or get the car washed, because you never know where she might discover true love. Imagine how embarrassing it would be to have your girlfriend take your Lamborghini to get washed and run into her old high school sweetheart working there. Their eyes meet and memories of remedial algebra crash into their thoughts as suds, love and violin strings swell around them. Hey, it could happen, which is why it’s never too early to become a Muslim Fundamentalist.

The point here is that, as a guy, you cannot rely on your good looks, fine upbringing, good job or wonderful treatment to keep you secure in your relationship. Furthermore, you can’t make the mistake of thinking your girl’s words are worth a damn when she tells you she loves you and that she’ll marry you. NOTHING TRUMPS TRUE LOVE.

The insidious aspect of romantic comedies and romantic dramas is that they make men sympathize with the guy who gets the girl, never with the guy who loses her. Therefore, we naturally think that we are the hero of our own romantic drama. And maybe that’s true, but only until we get the girl. Once that happens, if we follow the rules of romantic dramas, we become the villain. And as we all know, the villain can only lose the girl.

One of the few romantic dramas that I can respect is Casablanca. Rick’s decision to let Ilsa go at the end is the very essence of true love. If Ilsa doesn’t go with Victor, everyone’s lives are going to suck. Instead, they keep the love for each other safe in their hearts, because it’s not something that can survive in the world anymore. So, despite the personal anguish, Rick lets Ilsa go because it’s what’s best for her in the long run.

Heck, that’s better than true love; it’s smart love.

About The Author

René S. Garcia, Jr.

René Garcia founded He is a professional writer living and working in Southern California. He covers most aspects of the entertainment industry, including film, television, celebrity interviews and more. He is also a screenwriter looking for representation.

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150 Responses

  1. Jane

    It’s not only women, men too.. see what Noah did to his girlfriend? (I can’t recall her name)..

    All people are the same..

    I said LOVE is BULLSH**..
    If we solely “believe” it and don’t care about everything else, we can hardly stay with one person forever, keep changing partners; break ups, divorces..

    I said we have to keep OUR WORDS: commitment, if we want to stay “forever” with one person like in fairytale..

    Love could be flowers,
    Once we pick it, we may stay with it FOREVER if we TAKE CARE of it.. don’t let it die.. plant the seed and let it grow pretty..
    BOTH working together for it.. otherwise, it is just “trash”..
    Never give up even after the storm struck us..

    Close eyes; don’t look at other beautiful flowers..

    Happiness is not falling from heaven, we create it..
    So stop making EXCUSES based on love, not happy ’cause “no more love”, or other “reasons”..

    Well, we are human after all..

  2. Nikos

    Well I am sorry for Lon and all that. Obviously to referring to those guys who are his “real life” equivalents. Me an my girlfriend wathced this movie and I had to say it meant something. I won’t go into detail but this film does not portray a fairy tale world.

    At the end of the day that couple are together in death. They raised a family and Noah loves allie probably even more than when they first met. So for me I don’t care what Renee the critic has siad (allbeit that is his opinion to which I have no qualms)but she has picked the right guy. It was sad for Lon but we don’t hear of him writing 365 letters or fighting to hold on. There love for each other is real but Noah and allie represent true undying love. I believe that Allie and Lon would not have lasted. He was to work minded anyhow. Haha

  3. Jolene

    I have read many of the opinions on this blog – not all of course for there are far too many. However, I felt the need to post my own.
    I have noticed that many of the comments focus on how true love is not what it is cracked up to be. Rene (the author) mentioned several items in his article that I found to be quite sad and close minded. Of course, I agreed with him on several points as well, such as how Lon was a wonderful man, quite deserving of Allie’s love and that he truly loved her. Unfortunately, she was just not in the cards for him. He did the right thing – letting her go. Because she was not meant for him to have. No matter how much money he had or how great he may have treated her (except for the not understanding her true passion of painting), she was just not his. She belonged to someone else already.
    Sure, Allie and Noah were only 17 and only knew each other 3 months, but that doesn’t demean their love. Love takes many forms – parent to child, siblings, friendships, soul mates, etc – Allie and Noah just happened to discover that they were soul mates at an early age. And it doesn’t matter that Lon had security and a future – that doesn’t matter with a soul mate. And even though she gave him her word, would it have been better for her to stick with Lon but not really love him completely with her whole heart because she would always love Noah? If I were Lon, I wouldn’t want that.
    Once upon a time, I thought I was in love and married a man because, like Allie, I thought I loved him, his family was well bred, he had security, and everyone just expected it. Deep in my heart I felt strange, but I ignored it because I thought that was what I should do. Low and behold, two years later, the feeling I had been struggling to keep buried finally reached the surface and I realized I loved him, but as a brother, a true friend. He was not my soul mate, even though there was no other reason to deny him.
    I divorced him and ended up finding my soul mate a few months later. He had very little and my parents hated him, but we knew we were meant for each other. It is now 13 years later – we have 3 gorgeous children, have gone through hell and back through all of our lives’ trials and tribulations, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. True love is just that.
    And as for my ex, we have spoken and he healed over time. He just needs to find his own soul mate.
    To reference Parenthood, I would rather ride the roller coaster than go round and round on the carousel.

  4. abbey

    I’ve read your article and am glad that i did.Youre right…the kind of love portrayed in the book is stupid ,irrational,beyond logic and mindless…But Garcia…that is the exact definition of love.I understand that there are some people like you who are cynics….who believe in smart love rather than true love..i know a few like you.And the fact that you people fear that your love’s gonna fly away seeing an old flame…But let me tell you a brutal truth about love Garcia..if your love flies off and never comes back it was never yours in the first place.Whether we admit it or not all our life we constantly keep searching for someone….we all are part of these searchs..but only some are lucky..Noah and Allie were meant to be..period…maybe then or some years later…and Lon…he loved Allie but down the years i think he’ll get his soulmate…coz Allie was never his…and he’ll fall in love again….not everyone is that lucky…lucky to feel love again…Now Garcia,isnt that what he deserved??…to be one of those luckiest people whose lives are touched by love,not once but twice??…In the end,my dear,true love finds you and once it does…there can never be anything more beautiful in your life……………..Because,my dear,that becomes your life…………Period.

  5. CrazyWeasel

    A most important aspect of the Notebook story may not be understood by many, who look at it in a utilitarian aspect… almost an ethics debate

    Love is not an institution, it’s not engagement, marriage, the utility of a partner, the time together…

    Love is undefined… to all but those who share it …the word may be the same… but that is it.

    Now I don’t support Allie going behind her fiance’s back, and then sleeing w/ Noah…

    …but the “key” to the story is that Noah, the one who regretfully, but understandably gave up …never gave up… the “key” being how what they shared found a loophole in time… by Noah doing what he promised.. and Allie realizing her fiance didn’t see in her something elemental, free… so I don’t know if you’d call what he had for Allie ‘love’… as what he did was noble, sincere, but not special..

    ..but when Allie saw that Noah never gave up… no one else, not her fiance, would do that. No one but those two could understand how special that was… and like I said… love is beyond conventional defition… so in that… was the love.

  6. CrazyWeasel

    …just short comment on the comments… the character of Lon was good because there was nothing to dislike about him…

    but there was nothing redeeming about what they and only they shared… their social strata, and outside acceptance were key to there working out… it was in Lon’s proposal… they used what wasn’t them to bring them together, to define their relationship… they had no challenge whatsoever …accept one.

    Lon and Allie were guided along by the people and circumstances outside of them… not dispite it ..Her circle of friends, her family were not doing that out of the love they saw, but by convention and more of a ‘good catch’ mindset…

  7. Alexandra

    Ok, I agree with most of the things you said. Allie cheated on Lon, who was a great man, but I don’t think that the “true love” part reffered to Allie’s love.

    I think it was all about Noah’s love for her. The romance is more in the fact that this man loved her so much that he stood by her side, even when she was old and had no clue who he was. He visited her every day, read to her their story daily, hoping she would remember him and their life together, even if he knew that she would forget everything 5 minute later. He lived for those 5 minute he could have with her every now and then.
    Remeber when their children told him to give up on her because she won’t remember them anyway? He said “no”, he can’t give up on her because “that’s my sweetheart in there” or something like that. That is true love and devotion.

  8. Liz H

    Not sure if this makes any difference to your article, but the Lon of the book does not put Allie first. She says he loves her “in his way” and that she hasn’t slept with him because she’s looking for “something as simple as not being second” to work for him.

    I’m only bringing this up because the author based his book on his grandparents’ own love story. I gather that the grandmother picked the man she felt sparks with and could always talk to over the guy with political aspirations who treated her like an accessory.

    I agree, James Marsden plays Lon so sympathetically that it’s hard to understand why Allie would choose anyone else. That said, most people understand that movie people leave fiance(e)s and husbands way too easily, for the sake of a dramatic weekend or summer with someone else, but that’s not how the majority of real people behave. At most, there’s an affair that peters out quickly.

    You made the point that if Noah were a drug addict, viewers would understand he was the wrong choice. I think you’re overestimating how much reality people expect from movies, though. We’re more than willing to suspend belief to watch Harrison Ford outrun boulders, buses jump bridges, and pretty people dramatically leave their intendeds for “true love.” If the path to true love were too smooth, no one would make a movie about it, and we wouldn’t get to watch.

    • René S. Garcia, Jr.

      @Liz H:

      Thanks for reading and thanks for the lovely, well-thought out comment. I only take issue with the part about “reality vs. film”. I think what people enjoy in film also offers a little insight into their morality. It is doubtful that we will ever see a pedophile as a sympathetic hero. That’s because there is a universal disgust of pedophiles. No amount of willing suspension of disbelief is going to make that palatable. Conversely, while people abhor torturing others for vital information, viewers can still get behind a film protagonist torturing someone to find out where the bomb is hidden or where the bad guys have taken the hero’s daughter. That’s because, I think, viewers privately understand that if given the same extraordinary, unlikely, improbable situation they would do the same.

      That brings us to The Notebook (film version). Viewers are unwittingly placed at the crossroads and must decide if leaving your fiance for the guy you knew for three months when you were teenagers 7 – 14 years ago is as morally repulsive as a pedophilia or acceptable like torture in unlikely, extraordinary circumstances. Most women, it seems, opt for the latter, which is romantically frightening.

      Now that I’m revisiting this topic, I think perhaps I am being to hard on the film. I think that people — both men and women — just don’t have the wherewithal to stay in committed relationships any longer. Perhaps The Notebook is only a symptom of the disease and not the affliction itself.

  9. Eileen

    I agree fully with your Notebook post at the top of this string.

    Many plot lines imply that it’s okay, normal, and common leave Relationship A if Relationship B seems like it’s better.

    Even if the individual feels/knows that Relationship A is going well.

    Some don’t completely walk away; just briefly, for a fling or affair. Adventure at all costs.

    However, I have a question about the TV version of this movie. Yes, the guests at the nursing home are the adult children of Noah & Allie. Doesn’t one of the offspring say in protest, “Mom needs you”? Did I hear this correctly? Was this added to keep viewers in suspense? It implies a second mother resides elsewhere & deserves Noah’s attention. What, a step mom?

    • René S. Garcia, Jr.


      Thanks for reading. I’m sorry, I don’t remember the dialog from that scene well enough. I can only imagine that it would be James Garner saying that line, explaining why he’s still staying. Perhaps another reader here can clarify.

  10. crazy weasel

    I lay this out there too …I didn’t read the novel, and this isn’t about the film, but what people respond too.. I mean I still see this film as a top rental netflix …it resonates something… If I had to pin-point a few of those things in the film that might “resonate” …the scene where Allie jumps onto Noah leaving work.. of Noah saying to Allie “what do YOU want?” …along

    That love is not selfish, it’s not altruistic, it’s not utilitarian… there are relationships and circumstances that are are those things and can be called “love”. But love is individual …as individual and simple as one’s signature, one’s favorite color, one’s spirit or soul you could say.

    I think the overall things that spoke to such a wide audience, was Noah never letting go, which means never letting go of not just Allie, but himself …and for Allie it was about who she really was.

  11. crazy weasel

    I think on a broad theme comparison… what kept Allie and Noah apart is similiar to what kept Ennis and Jack apart in Brokeback Mtn… if you take away the fairly-tale aspects of Notebook and look at the 2 stories in just 1’s and 0’s, the stories are fairly similiar…

    I think in these stories, the cheating, the definition of what is healthiest are paired with their more faithful and ‘healthier’ lives being their most compromised and unfree…

    And Allie choosing Noah is similiar to Ellen coming out of the closet… it was her.. it was free.

  12. criselda

    I haven’t watched the movie or read the book yet. From the opinions above, well all that i can say is “It is better late than never, but it is always best to be early”.

  13. Mel

    I get your point though, for me, it’s not really a matter of who is better and it’s not a matter of how long or how well you know a person. People who truly love each other spend their whole lives learning things about each other. Heck you live with your parents for half of your life and you still don’t know them :p

    Couples wait 5 or 10 years before getting married just to “make sure” then in the end still get divorce. Some get their second chances and find they’re still in love after getting divorce. Some people who knew each other one day end up together until they die.

    My point is, no one knows what life will turn out to be for them. In the end people will have to choose for themselves. And what they should choose is the one that will let them feel less regret. The one that will make you happy. You have to stop thinking about everyone else sometimes. You have to stop sacrificing your own happiness for other people’s comfort (it might be selfish and you will break their hearts but they will get through one way or the other, hurt is part of people’s lives). Sometimes you just pay attention to yourself and what will make you happy for the rest of your life, because you only have one of it.

    It’s not a point of choosing who’s the better guy. Lon was a good guy and so was Noah. I believe that Lon was not a victim. I don’t see it as a loss for Lon but a chance for him to seek out the real person that will make him happy and will reciprocate/deserve his feelings. I just see the good side of the things and imagined that if Allie tried to be with Lon even after knowing she still loves Noah, would it make her really happy?

    Guys don’t need to be possessive. They just have to deal with it like a man. Deal with the fact that they weren’t the one chosen and that doesn’t mean they fail in life. And if you’re comparing love with a good steak. I don’t know.. you’re missing out on the real sense of life and that’s just sad.

    And no, sorry. I’m not coming back to this site to view any replies to this post so don’t bother trying to humiliate a reader. Thank you.

  14. Vargas

    It’s freaking amazing that the conversation has lasted this long. Who knew it was such a hot issue!

    That being said, I think the comments are a little off topic. I think Dark One was on point with this summation:

    “My overall point? I think the film glamorizes “love no matter what”, and, I wish the consequence of love, in a movie, was more on par with reality, where one can lose house, business, kids, due to the word “Adultery” on a paper.”

    That’s the point of the article – that romantic comedies and dramas (like The Notebook) glamorize unrealistic situations like “love conquers all” and that life itself is not that simple.

  15. Vargas

    Mel – I know you said you weren’t going to check back, but in the off chance you do, I wanted to follow up this paragraph with a question:

    “Guys don’t need to be possessive. They just have to deal with it like a man. Deal with the fact that they weren’t the one chosen and that doesn’t mean they fail in life.”

    I wonder if you’d feel the same way if the situation was reversed and it was a female that was being left by a man who decided to reconcile with an ex he’d known for three months 14 years ago. And even further, if that female was you.

  16. Lexi

    I disagree with your argument, while it has valid points, you have seemed to overlook the fact that maybe Lon wasn’t right for Allie, yes he was sweet and caring, but she wanted someone spontaneous and fun. She also may have thought she loved him but not realized she really wasn’t.

  17. Noelle

    I didn’t read every comment, because frankly, I didnt have the time to read what these 100 people said. I did however read your argument and I am baffeled.

    You must be that guy that has the money to make a girl feel secure, you must have those good looks and manners, but obviously you don’t have that passion. You are Lon and you can’t stand it.

    What is so wrong with True Love winning in the end? It not just a nervousness a girl feels in a relationship, it’s that longing to struggle in their lives with someone. I don’t want financial stability, or that white pickett fence..I want to struggle to survive with someone who I can just talk to everyday and not worry about business who-ha. I want the life of Allie, and not just because of this movie- but because I want MY life, not one that is already in the process, like Lon’s. He will own his dad’s cotton business and his life will continue as planned, with or without Allie. and that sucks!

    The only problem I actually have with this movie, is that it doesn’t happen. Cause despite what I want, I will not marry that country boy and struggle to make a life of our own…It doesnt work that way. Cause your right, in the long run Smart Love does triumph…but just because everyone wants it to; our parents want it to, our friends want it to, and society wants it to. You don’t get what your heart wants in the long run, you get what is more secure…what is more reasonable.

    “It’s not about following your heart and it’s not about keeping your promises. It’s about security.” and that is the way it will always be. Period.
    I guess I contradict myself; because as much as the girl wants that country boy who she’s loved in her life, she won’t have that life if the “Lon” is presented to her..cause it does not make sense to choose that Life.. :/

    • Yadira

      I agree and I don’t. I was in a situation similar to Allie’s once. I chose to follow my heart. My ex and I were together for 3 years with one daughter when i discovered he had been unfaithful to me. I forgave and tried to move on but it happened again. Thats when things ended. I still loved him of course. I met a guy (my Lon) who was great and amazing and sweet and respected my whole situation and didnt care how long it took for me to get over my ex because he was willing to wait. Just like Lon in the notrbook, my “lon” was also more financially stable, he could have been my “safety”. He accepted my daughter as if she was his and showed me he’d do anything to prove to me he would never hurt me like my ex did. We had a connection i never had anyone vefore, not even my ex. We understood each other to this level that was just amazing. But of course, i am human, and despite of it all.. I was in love with my ex(my Noah). Like The Notebook’s Lon, he accepted my feelings for my ex and still wanted to be with me. He didnt care and he trusted me.. I was constantly in contact with my ex because of our daughter but one day he asked me out-which I refused – and he apologized for everything and ended up kissing me. He wanted me back but now i wasnt sure. I told my “Lon” what happened and he knew what would happen next. Even though he knew who I would choose he fought for me until the last minute. He said all he wished for was my happiness but he “knew i would probably regret my decision” for he had his “perspectives in line” something my ex didn’t always. And even though it all, I chose my ex. 1) because my family never liked my “lon” (they thought i had to be with the father of ny daughter) 2) because well, he was the father of my daughter 3) and because i never stopped loving him. Never could get him out of my head no matter how sweet and loving “lon” was to me. I felt like Allie, maybe I’d never be able to give my self completely, for my love for my ex. My story may seem irrational to many, why chose the guy who had already hurt me? Because true love is real. You don’t know what true love is until you have been hurt by that person and still want them and all they have. It’s loving through the dark times, their dark side. Lon would be there for me unconditionally but my Noah was my Noah, all those crazy nights in love, days at the park, at school, that crazy love happened with him. IT was a chance I chose to take even though I knew it might not work out and even though my Lon was my safety.
      “Lon” tried to contact me recently but i feel so horrible for hurting im that i didnt response. What good could come out of it? Him finding out how good i am doing with my Noah? I was dying to respond to him but I knew the consequences.
      So in response to your message, no, people don’t always choose their “safety net” some of us chose the uncertain and take chances with past loves. However, I feel that “Lon” will always be in mg heart as well.. so there is a part of him that follows me everywhere I go and always might. Just like I know a part of me will always be with him, and unfortunately even though I love my Noah, I can’t “un-meet” my Lon. I always wonder how he is doing and what could have been of “us” how great, amazing, or awful it could’ve turned out.
      well that’s my story. And I apologize for the very lenghty response. 😛

  18. guy

    Only somebody who has experienced true love understands how naive the argument you make is.

    True love is smart love, and both has to do with the question Noah asks Allie…”what do you truly want?”

    The key to that question is not what this or that person wants. Somebody might want a polite Harvard Grad who can read them French poetry. Others might want a handyman who can spit and swear.

    The key is honesty. Love is smart when it’s honest. And when somebody is totally honest, what they say is true. Hence, smart love is quite literally true love.

    In the case of the notebook, if Ally truly wants to be with Noah, then it’s true love and yes everything else pales in comparison.

    And BTW, this movie is based on a true story of a couple who ended up married for 50 years. So the Love in the movie actually tried to portray might be a little more advanced than the adolescent passion.

    • René S. Garcia, Jr.


      Hey there. Thanks for reading!

      I’ll try not to leave too lengthy of a reply here since I have a bad feeling that I’ll be reiterating statements I’ve already made in previous comments and that perhaps you misinterpreted my “naive” argument or that I didn’t convey my argument to your standards. So allow me to cram my argument into a nutshell to hopefully clear the air.

      Any film that advises women to take the less stable of two options of men is detrimental to modern day relationships.

      I don’t think that’s naive at all. I’ll go so far as to say that I think it’s naive NOT to consider stability when deciding on a life-partner/helpmate. Can couples still have lasting, fulfilling relationships without guaranteed stability? Of course! Can people win the state lottery? Of course! Is gambling away your savings on lottery tickets sound financial advice? No!

      “What do you truly want?” I’m with you there. I believe in truth. When women make horrible choices, like staying with wife beaters, cheaters, liars, players, alcoholics and worse, I truly believe THEY truly believe they want to be with these men. If this woman in question is my friend or my sister or my daughter should I not interfere because she is being true to herself and this is “true love” for her? I realize that this is an extreme example and The Notebook only tells women that if they gamble with their love lives they will be rewarded with something amazing, but honestly what is the probability of that happening? Relationships are hard enough without introducing unnecessary variables like finances and combative personalities.

      It’s easy to say that none of that matters, because if two people love each other enough they can get through anything. Now that’s a lovely idea, isn’t it?

      I believe there’s a word to describe people who think that way.

  19. Chris Chris

    Since I just got “dumped” because I wasn’t her “Notebook” love (her exact words) then I just have to say amen to your article.
    I have never watched this movie. Although I want to now. And to her credit, I was actually warned after 1 month of dating that she just wasn’t feeling the “Notebook” kind of love that she was hoping for. My response to her if I HAD seen the movie. “You don’t look like Rachel McAdams and so I am not really feeling it either.”
    But here’s the thing. If the spark isn’t there, then there is no need to continue dating. I agree with that. But I also think you are setting yourself up for a world of disappointment if you are expecting a romance straight out of Hollywood. Plus I am not going to write you 366 times with no response. But I will text you before I go to sleep at night if you want. 😉

    • René S. Garcia, Jr.

      @Chris Chris:

      Reading about your situation makes me sad, brother. I had always suspected that these types of movies were bad for relationships, but your anecdote takes matters into the most extreme scenario I can think of. A friend of mine now makes it a point to ask a girl if she likes The Notebook when he’s on a first date.

  20. Lindsey Darden
    Lindsey Darden

    FYI, Chris Chris, I might be the only woman who has never seen The Notebook, and after reading your comment, I will make a point to never see it. Not because I’ll be influenced by it but because it’ll make me sick to think that people think that’s how love should be (and who have done what they did to you and other men). I understand if there’s no spark in the most general sense, but that’s something that can be sensed after a few dates, if not the first. People are lame.

    I had a guy text me 43 times yesterday. 43 texts, 2 picture messages. Obsessive. But the right text before bed? A likely thump-thump, thump-thump of my heart.

    All the best to you.

  21. J S

    I read through the article and a few of the comments and I see a lot of you feel sorry for Lon because he stuck by her even when she wronged him.

    However, you have to remember that the film is split and you see Allie and Noah as an older couple throughout the film. The viewer sees that Noah still loves Allie even when she doesn’t have a clue who he is. The viewer doesn’t know that Lon may have been there in the same way but they know that Noah still loves her after all these years even in the face of adversity. Therefore, the viewer believes that their love is true love since it has lasted so long and even when facing such issues is still their. That is why you want Allie to be selfish and pick Noah because who is to say that Lon wouldn’t have left her in the future? We know that Noah doesn’t. Therefore, to us, he is the right man for her.

    In my opinion, Lon is just a filling character. Simply placed in the film to emphasise the class difference and show that true love can be found with someone of a different class, even if you do have a great man of the same status as yourself.

    Women love the film because Noah has many great qualities. He is persistent, he keeps his promises, he doesn’t give up on her, he is honest with her and he truly loves her to the point that ‘she is [his] home’ regardless of what has happened.

    If you found that sort of love in real life I think that you have every right to be selfish. Lon may have loved her then but their love may not have necessarily lasted the same way that Allie’s and Noah’s did.

  22. Angie

    Allie was selfish and cheated on Lon. Wrong. Lon didn’t know Allie well enough, he was just filling a role of a suitable wife to him. He didn’t even know what made Allie the happiest and the passion she had for painting(the one thing in life she did for herself.) Wrong. Noah used the widow for sex and didn’t give her love back. Wrong. The only people left to salvage anything in this movie was Allie and Noah. They both loved one another and never did anything wrong to each other. Lon and the widow each wanted to be loved by people who were emotionally unavailable and for no other reason for their own selfish needs to be loved. They weren’t able to fullfill something in the other person, because(supposedly) it could only be filled by Noah and Allie. It’s a story of soul mates, you are supposed to believe there’s only one other person who can truely fullfill you and get you, the missing puzzle piece.) I personally believe there are several people who can fill this role of a soulmate if you truely understand and care about the other person enough to let them be themselves and make themselves happy. You can’t depend on someone else in life to make you truely happy(this is called co-dependency.) If you are married to someone who doesn’t care about what makes you truely happy-you aren’t being loved and supported the way you should be. Lon didn’t understand the passion Allie had for painting, Noah did(He dedicated a room for her to paint). Noah would do anything for Allie, every girl wants a guy to know her well enough to know what makes her happy and care..Lon didn’t get it. Noah put years hard labor into making the house she wanted. Lon didn’t pay attention to what Allie really wanted, he was paying attention to what he wanted in Allie..that’s not love.

  23. evan

    they were true sweethearts….whoever wrote this is a desentizized jackass…you can definitely fall in love when your 17…and real love is what its all about…not marrying for money…she didnt love him…she always loved noah…you are a clueless pathetic idiot…. and who gives you the right to say when a woman reaches the flower of her age…jackass

    • René S. Garcia, Jr.


      Hey there. Thanks for stopping by and reading. It’s obvious that you take The Notebook pretty seriously, desperately hoping a story like that exists in real life. (After all, that’s the search you used to get here, right?) So I don’t think it’s worth walking you through the article since it’s obvious that you’re impervious to discussion. Suffice to say that it’s unnecessary to call people names just because you don’t agree. Instead, try arguing your side — unless, of course, you can’t defend your position. Then, by all means, name call away!

      I am always impressed, however, that The Notebook apologists typically let Allie off scot-free when it comes to her agreeing to be married to Lon and cheating on him with Noah. I guess love trumps even morality.

  24. Rolando

    While I was watching this movie with my girlfriend, I figured out the whole story in the fisrts 15 minutes. Which in my opinion makes it a not well-written story. But that is not the subject in discussion.

    First of all, your opinion is different and brings a new perspective in the movie. Also, I like the way you analyse Lon and the other alternate characters. So congratulations, it’s original and open for debate.

    I identified with Lon. I cannot lie. Why? I’ve been in that position a few times. I was raised to be responsible, honest and a gentleman in general, not a man full of surprise and passion. I think there is more in life than love, being successful in your career and the ability to shine in society is important (after all we are social animals). Being said this, for me the characteristics of a life-lasting love relationship are global (security, honesty, and maturity). After all, you don’t want a wife or a husband who can’t do their part of the commitment. The things that you like in her are the things that spice up the relationship.

    I don’t beleive in first-sight love. I think it is a very naive way of seeing life. I think you can fall in love with ANYONE as long as you like their personality and accept their mistakes. There is no way someone is just made for you, because we are trapped in a certain space and a certain time. It’s like finding your favorite book, if you pardon my methaphore. You have a favorite one out of 100 and think there is no better book for you out there, when you suddenly realize there are a million others out there waiting for you to open them.

    This said, there is not a lot I liked about “the Notebook” and the messages it sends. It says “hey, you fall in love once, you lose, don’t bother meeting other people”. It also says “hey, you know what? Screw the people you love, like mother and fiance and go for your truuuu luv”. The only thing i applaud is the one that tells you to be loyal and remain to the side of the one you love, even in the worst time.

    Now as a side note, I wonder if the outcome of the story would have been better if the narrator was Lon and not Noah, showing the other facet of true love (knowing that people have a past and make mistakes, but after all love is there).

    Greetings from Mexico.

  25. Des

    Allie was fine in doing what she did because she wasnt married and especially not married with children! She really had no ties or responsibility to the guy. Life happens eh

  26. Travis

    Looks like the author spends some time on You do realize they had an article with the exact same premise an explanation like a week ago, right?

    • René S. Garcia, Jr.


      While I do read once in a while, I had no idea they wrote about the same thing. You said it was about a week ago? I see. So the article that is older must be the original and the newer article is the copy then? How old is my article, I wonder. Surely older than a week. I also wonder if you will now go to and post how they must frequent

      Reading is cool.

  27. Lisa

    Personally, I completely disagree with your opinion.
    I think Ali made the right decision in marrying Noah and not Lon.

    I don’t believe in love at first sight. I think love is a deeper connection that only happens when you know someones bad qualities as well as their good and yet you still love them. I agree that in three months it’s unlikely you know if you are in love. But I do think after three months you know if the possibility is there for you to fall in love. Which is why I disagree with this point,
    “That’s why, at the end of the day, Allie’s parents were right in splitting them up.” I don’t think this is right. Allie’s parents weren’t splitting them up because they felt Noah was a bad person who could hurt their daughter. They were splitting them up because Noah was from a lower class and wasn’t the type of guy they imagined their daughter with. They split them up for selfish reasons.

    My heart does break for Lon in this film. He’s a good guy with a kind heart and it’s clear that he loves Allie. However, I don’t think this is reason enough for Allie to marry him. Surely, it’d be crueler for her to marry him and rob him of his chance to find what she has with Noah with someone else. I’m completely sure Lon would find someone who loves him as much as he loves them because he is truly a great guy. And this is what i want for Lon, not someone choosing him because he’s more stable than their other options.

    I don’t think it’s okay that she cheats. I think cheating is always wrong, no matter what circumstances it happens under. The right thing for Allie to do would to have been telling Lon the truth before she rekindled her relationship with Noah.

    What Allie had with Noah is more than what she had with Lon. I do think she loved Lon, I think she meant it when she told him she loved him and I don’t think she intentionally set out to hurt him. But when push came to shove she realized she loved Noah more and so being with him is a better choice rather than suffering through a marriage to somebody she has now realized she doesn’t love the most and lying all her life to somebody she cares about.

    ‘If you had to choose between “having love, but living day to day, wondering how you’ll pay the rent or if you’ll be able to feed the kids tonight” and “not finding love, but having stability” I hope you’ll pick option’ This point I also disagreed with. If i had a millionaire who was nice enough and a man I was in love even though he was struggling financially with to choose from I would choose the man I loved. It would be hard, we’d have to work all the time and we wouldn’t have nice things but I’d be happy. I’d be with the person I love and that would be fine. However, if I married the millionaire I might have nice things, a huge house and every material thing I could ask for but I wouldn’t be happy. I’d always wonder ‘what if?’ and materialistic things are no substitute for love.

    Personally, I think the Notebook was a lovely story with characters that are neither wholly good nor bad.
    I do think Allie made the right choice with Noah.

    However, I showed my friend this article and she agreed completely wholeheartedly with you. I think this may be one of the things where there is no middle ground. Also, even though I disagreed with the points made in the article I have to admit it was well written and even entertaining. And I’ve read through the comments and you’ve always been very nice to everyone even those who have personally attacked you. Bravo with your patience, I certainly couldn’t have done that.

    • René S. Garcia, Jr.


      Thank you for reading and for your very thoughtful response. Since you’ve read all of my comments I don’t know if I have anything new to add here. At the end of the day, I think there actually is middle ground that we can all agree on. We all believe that a person should not be with someone that they don’t love. What we’re having trouble settling on, however, is when is too late to get out and what is a justifiable reason to get out? I think many who have posted here believe that it is never too late to get out for any reason. I personally don’t understand how people can make the distinction between engagement and marriage. For me, when two people agree to marry each other, they’re as good as married. The ceremony is just a formality. By that I mean that the two people are committed to each other.

      None of this is to say, however, that commitment doesn’t or shouldn’t end. Rather than going over the various scenarios I believe relationships should nurtured, let me just take the shortcut here and say that I don’t think relationships should end because one of the partners decided to look up an old flame from high school. I couldn’t even imagine how that would work in today’s day and age where we can instantly look up people we haven’t talked to in seven years on Facebook. I don’t know how relationships would survive if we, as a society, accepted that behavior.

      But look, I get it. Allie and Noah had this amazing love and life together. And it’s easy to say that she made the right decision because the movie tells us so. The same can’t be said about real life. People have no idea how a relationship is going to end up. The best we can do is gather information on the person we’re interested in (read: courtship) and make an educated guess. To me, that’s common sense. Movies like The Notebook essentially advise women not to follow common sense. Granted, it’s a movie. Characters make decisions based on the story the writer wanted to tell, not based on what is practical. I see it that way. Most men will probably see it that way. We accept it as fiction. What frightens me is the number of female readers who have commented favorably here about the film who arrived here by searching for “How can I have a love like in The Notebook?” (I just Googled that and this page is the second result.)

      Using my readership as a very limited sample, this film is not fiction for a lot of women. They are actively modeling their love lives after it. That is a recipe for disaster on almost every level. Women will never be happy in their relationships. Furthermore, men should want to aspire to be Lon — educated, trusting, forgiving, successful. Movies like The Notebook will make them want to be Noah, who is presented as being the big winner without having to do much. While some will argue that Lon probably didn’t have to do much for his success since it was probably handed to him via his family, the point is that most men don’t come from wealth, but if they aspire to be Lon, then they will find ways to improve their situation to enjoy his lifestyle.

      As for my saint-like patience with angry commenters, I try to remember that I am not perfect and that I, too, react out of emotion. The anonymity of the Internet allows ugly people to truly be themselves and that’s just a reality that I have to accept. I can’t control their behavior, but I can control mine. Getting angry or mirroring their ugliness only debases me, and I won’t stand for that.

      Once again, thank you for reading. I’m impressed that this conversation has continued as long as it has. I hope you’ll come back and read more, and bring friends. 🙂

  28. Vish

    @René – I totally agree with your point. Most readers here just comment about true love and how true love is so magical. I don’t disagree. Its okay to fall madly, deeply, truly in love with someone and marry them. If Allie was indeed truly in love with Noah, she shouldn’t have agreed to marry Lon. She shattered Lon’s life. I am against Allie marrying Lon either because she doesn’t truly love Lon and life will be hell for both if they did marry. Allie shouldn’t have agreed to marry Lon or get into a relationship with him. This movie/book is telling people that its ok to ruin someone’s life for your “true love”. Its not. Everybody’s life is as valuable as yours. You have no right to mess it up.

    And wow..! Its been 4.5 years since you wrote this post and its still active…!

  29. Christina

    There are 7 billion people on the planet, I don’t venture to guess how many people have lived in recorded history. Let’s just say that is a whole bunch of love stories. Love lost, love found, love denied, unrequited love, love in death, love in war, fleeting love, love not found, love triangles, love, love, love. We love love.
    Sparks could have ended the story any number of ways. She could choose Lon, chose Lon and he walks out, Noah could have married Martha….whatever. There are an infinite number of scenarios and in life there are also. All of of have loved and lost, or
    loved and triumphed, or not found love, or thought we were in love and were wrong, or a partner cheats, or dies…or again, whatever. The scenarios are endless. Noah deserved love just as much as Lon did and vice versa. Just like the scenarios are infinite thus are the thought and feelings that go into those feelings. Maybe in this case Allie needed someone different from her upbringing. Her father told a joke about being millionaires but married to whores, her mother was conniving, and manipulative….maybe Noah with his $.40/hr was refreshing. People survived on less the Noah had and maybe she was willing to take that chance knowing that he “got her”, he understood her. Okay, I agree it was a three month relationship, seven years ago….but those feeling (sometimes) don’t just vanish, sometimes they do. But, this is a story of those feelings not vanishing. This is the story of a love triumph over or against the odds. It isn’t about blame, it isn’t about right or wrong…that would be like saying it is wrong to like vanilla ice cream vs. strawberry. Allie had to pursue this for her own reasons, reasons we as readers/watchers may never know, maybe Noah was right and it was boredom, maybe she needed closure, maybe she needed to feel it again…..the fact is that another person would have chosen Lon, another person would never have looked back, another person might not remember Noah’s name….but this isn’t a story about another person, this is about a person who remembered her first love and went to find out if there was anything there. You want her to choose Lon…then you write that story. But, to say this scenario is far-fetched or unrealistic I whole heartedly disagree. Uncommon? Maybe! But lovely? yes! Possible? absolutely. I agree it is sad for Lon…he was a great guy. But, Allie took a chance…and her gamble paid off in spades….Good for her, and good for Noah!

  30. René S. Garcia, Jr.


    For the most part, you are missing the point of my article. Nicholas Sparks can write whatever story he pleases. In the reality he’s created everything worked out for Noah and Allie, and her decision to dump Lon was the “right” decision for her. That’s all well and good, and I have no issue with however Sparks wants to tell a story.

    My point of contention is how this work of fiction is affecting real world love lives — that is, negatively. While hopefully you see this story as just that and not a way to live your real (love) life, there are a great many women who see this as a blueprint or at least as something to point to, to justify reckless behavior.

    I am heartened, however, that you agree with me in that Allie gambled away what she had with Lon. Though I am curious to know how you would react if you or someone you cared for was in Lon’s position. Would you find this scenario just as lovely if it was you or your son/daughter who was cheated on the day before his/her wedding day and then dumped?

    • Christina

      I understood your point. It is that point that I disagree with. I don’t believe this scenario of love is harming relationships. Okay, I will concede that many women come out saying “I wish I had LIKE that”…but I believe many women would say the same for the love Lon felt for Allie. I also believe that most reasonable people would not gamble away an established relationship with Lon, for the unlikely possibility that some summer heart throb would still after 7 years and no contact be a viable option. I doubt some summer fling way back whenever I had still remembers my name, let alone what color shutters I liked. IF there are actually real world scenarios where women are leaving their men in droves because “they wouldn’t build a house for them”, then my guess would be that that relationship was already broken. I admit we all live in a bit of a fantasy world, and for some it can be difficult to separate fiction from reality….I get that. But that is going to be true no matter what someone is watching. Take any love story and apply the same view. I remember when Pretty Woman came out and people were all upset that it glamorized prostitution. That wasn’t my take. If anything I thought it made the point that prostitution sucks…it is way cooler to be in a relationship with a dashing gazillionaire….I doubt women started throwing it all away and running out to be prostitutes in the hopes that Richard Gere would drive by in a Lotus to save them. I just think that this story of Allie and Noah is ONE of any number of scenarios that makes us feel good. We all wonder “what if….?”, We all need “closure” from time to time, We all act foolishly sometimes, and sometimes it pays off, and sometimes it doesn’t. Lon may have actually understood Allie better than we realize, even when he proposed he made reference to her lifelong rebellion against her parents. Maybe she didn’t really want the life her parents longed for her to have, maybe she understood how crass they were to tell jokes about being millionaires yet married to whores (her dad at lunch), maybe whatever…All we know is that Noah struck a chord in her, one she never forgot, and before she married Lon, she needed to have that “closure”. I don’t condone cheating, but she wasn’t married, she was engaged, and if there was a time to seek closure better now than after wedding, and she made no attempt to lie to Lon. I believe we have been in situations where it the prospect of hurting someone was torture.
      If Lon were my son or loved one: Well, of course, my reaction would be that bitch I can’t believe she left you for that Kook…You are better off without her. She isn’t good enough for you.
      By that same thought if Noah were my son or loved one, I would be thanking the heavens, and spouting off about true love, and how it was destiny, and how wonderful it is that he triumphed.
      And justifying reckless behavior…hmmmm, I am not sure how to respond to that. That is what we do as humans….we justify our behaviors, and I am not sure I can say this was reckless. Sure, I guess that anytime one gambles there is the prospect of loss. But to say it is reckless to seek resolution to something that plagues you I think is a misnomer. Reckless would be to marry the guy and run around having clandestine affairs, or to spend the next 40-50 years robbing Lon of the opportunity to find his happiness while you lay in bed pining away for another man. Making decisions is very difficult, most decisions are a gamble, hers paid off this time and I for one think everyone is better off, Lon included, and even if it takes Lon sometime to overcome his loss, or he becomes embittered and never pursues love again (tragic outcomes for sure), but that is his deal, his life, his responsibility to himself to see reality as it is..that is if Allie chose Noah, the she in fact, is NOT good enough for Lon. So if your term reckless behavior was Allie’s toward Lon…maybe so, she hurt him. But, to what extent must she pay for that decision? Break-ups suck, but they happen, and in this case she found her love and went to death bed with it. Good for her. I hope Lon’s life was just as wonderful. As for “all those” women out there that can’t separate reality form fiction (or reality from someone else’s reality for that matter), stop watching romances and seek therapy.

  31. René S. Garcia, Jr.


    Now I don’t know what to believe. Your first comment ended by stating that The Notebook was not far-fetched or unrealistic, but your follow-up comment seems to place Allie’s behavior in the realm of unreasonableness, and Noah’s behavior in a place of unlikelihood.

    Regardless, I think our views are almost on the same page. At the very least, our views are in the same chapter. With a little more attention, I think we can get to the same place.

    First, as I’ve stated in a previous response to a different commenter, the entertainment we approve of speaks to our morality. For example: If we have a film where a man puts up his house as collateral for a chance to win a large fortune, which he does, then we applaud and say, “That was a big risk, but it was worth it!” Alternatively, if we replace the house with the life of his child, then we recoil and say, “How awful, no fortune is worth the possibility of losing your child!” Even if the man wins the fortune and gets his child back at the end and they live happily ever after, the man would still be reviled by audiences and the story hated. At least I hope so. If we apply this thinking to The Notebook, if women had any issues with Allie’s actions from a real world standpoint, then they should have a negative reaction to the film. Women do not, because I believe they think it’s OK to do the same thing in real life.

    Secondly, even if my first point is correct and women would gladly behave the same way in real life, why is that bad? It’s bad, because it diminishes the value of relationships and of words. Lon and Allie were not simply dating. They had a relationship that spanned years, and they were about to get married. Allie made a serious decision that affected them both without discussing it with Lon. She essentially sacrificed Lon for her own happiness. I don’t understand how that is something we can applaud. It is reckless behavior of the worst kind. If Allie wanted to explore a life with a person she hadn’t seen in seven years, then so be it; it’s her life. But when you are engaged, your life is no longer your own. You are a unit, and your decisions affect your partner. I agree that Lon is probably better off without Allie as a wife. Lon would be even better off without Allie as a fiancée. So let’s not pretend that Allie has somehow done Lon a favor here by cheating on him and ending their engagement.

    I agree that it is reckless to be married to someone you don’t love. But do you agree that it is reckless to be engaged to someone you don’t love? Can we step back even farther and say it is reckless to be in a long-term relationship with someone you don’t love?

    Furthermore, it’s appalling that people just excuse Allie’s breaking off the engagement to pursue a life with Noah. From the responses here, it sounds like being engaged doesn’t mean anything. “Hey, they weren’t married! They were just engaged! It was OK for Allie to do what she did!” When does a person’s word actually bond them to an action, then? If Allie had discovered Noah a day later after she was married to Lon, would it be OK to divorce Lon and be with Noah? What if it was even later — the book version is 14 years — and Allie and Lon already had kids? Would it still be OK to leave Lon? To me, all of these scenarios require the same commitment. It is reckless to break any of those commitments.

    Ultimately, the only real solution here is for people to be honest with themselves before making life-changing decisions. So if a woman is hung-up on a guy from her past, she should pursue him instead of getting into a relationship with another guy.

    Of course, this is too much to ask of people. How many people since the beginning of time have “settled” with someone who was their second, third or even-farther-down-the-list choice just so they didn’t have to be alone? As a society, should our understanding of these relationships be that they will only continue until the number one choices become single again? That whatever overtures of love and commitment between the people in the relationship were just a placeholder? That they were just going through the motions? I don’t want to live in that kind of society. And any movie that glorifies that kind of thinking should be called out.

    Thank you so much for your thoughtful comments. I’ve enjoyed our discussion thus far. I hope I haven’t come off as indelicate. It’s late for me, and I’m very tired.

    • Christina

      I have re-read some of your thread and (maybe) I have a better understanding of your thoughts. I am I correct in thinking that your biggest complaint is that this film is rewarding people’s inability or refusal to abide by the commitments that they have freely entered into? If that understanding is correct (albeit simplified), then I would like to say a few words.
      You mentioned that you didn’t want to live in a society that just goes through the motions and uses relationships as placeholders until something better comes along. So I have to ask you what kind of society do you find more reasonable?
      I never think it is OK to use people, and I do believe people are masters at justifying their behavior. But, like I mentioned above, we are not robots, and emotions and relationships are messy (or can be). I think that some people go into relationships with all the best intentions only to face disillusionment, pain, and sorrow. We spend billions on therapy trying to understand ourselves, we go to church to seek understanding, we kill ourselves, we become recluses, we hide, we run, we seek comfort in the arms of any that are open to us. We are not simple creatures. Yes, there should be consequences to some degree for our actions. But what would propose those consequences to be?
      Divorce hasn’t always been legal in this country, and when they were there were still social consequences and still are in some pockets of society. I am sure in our example of Allie, her standing in “society” was greatly altered, even if not overtly because her parents were still quite wealthy, but I am quite sure the whispers and sneers and gossip mongers were going on all around her. It may not be as harsh as the scarlet letter, or public flogging, but I am certain there were consequences, it probably took some time for that to diminish or for her to turn a blind eye. I am also sure that it was quite an adjustment to face an uncertain financial future. So there are indeed consequences. And, as tragic as it for a couple to break up years down the road with children as collateral damage, there are consequences (i.e.: huge alimony or child support). I could go on, but I fear you will grow weary of me….so let me just end with this, if you want a society that enforces these commitments, and we as a people are bound to every word given under a seemingly endless string of circumstances and emotions…there will still be consequences for that action, there will still be collateral damage, there will still be pain and suffering, and it will still seem unfair. I want a society where people make more thoughtful decisions, where they are honest, where their words mean something, BUT I don’t want to be a stepford wife, or have my marriage arranged, or live in fundamentalist hell. I want the freedom to explore my life and the good sense and moral backbone not to hurt anyone along the way. She may have lost plenty by her choice, but she was free to face those consequences, and in the end she triumphed…and because of her triumph, Lon triumphed because he was now free to go explore his world…hopefully he was able to overcome his loss, we can not know what hell or joy would have befallen him had she stayed, that is the gamble of our lives, the butterfly effect.
      Thanks again for the blog,

  32. Christina

    Well I don’t get into a semantical argument with you so let me clarify. In my use of of the term far fetched…What I meant was that I did NOT believe that story to be outside the realm of possibility whereas far fetched seems to indicate it is almost too fantastical to consider. So…I find it possible albeit rare or unique.
    Having said that I think if there were bunches of Allies in the world…one scenario would yield The Notebook outcome, and the vast majority would not. In that regard, I find that she did indeed take a HUGE gamble. She risked losing everything (everyone), and I don’t think she herself was sure it was gonna happen until the infamous duck/rain scene. The look on her face when she returned the next morning after their initial encounter seemed to beg the unspoken question (What are we doing?).
    I have wondered why Allie never wrote to Noah, and said Hey man what’s up with the silent treatment?….But she was 17, and lived in a time when (I am guessing) girl weren’t as “forward” as they are today….Or maybe as it revolved around her head…Finn’s words played over and over, “if he wants to talk, he’ll write you”, and in a 17 year old mind that means he didn’t write, hence he doesn’t want me. I mean really, we could make up what ifs all day….
    the point I am trying so hard to make, is that at some point (seeing his picture and the house) made her need to go find out for herself. This to me is not in the least far fetched. She wanted an answer, whatever that may be, and this was probably her last chance to get it.
    Now onto the right and wrong and commitments……..

    I, too, would like to live in a world where honesty was the norm and your word means something. But we are not robots, pre-programmed to think and respond a certain way. We are humans with flaws, insecurities, and emotions. Those things are fluid, not stagnant, they change over time, through experience.
    She was not some callous hussy out to harm Lon. She even told Noah that she loved Lon very much, I think she was trying to be honest. I believe her when she said she loved Lon. But, I also think Noah was right when he said something must be missing or you would not be here.

    As much as we may want a world that is honest and people have character, I do NOT want to live in a world where the only solution is “well, you made your bed so now lie in it”. Sometimes staying married for the kids is not the answer, sometimes through thick and thin is unreasonable and can destroy even more lives, again scenarios are endless. But, I for one, want the freedom to make my decisions, not just the good ones.

    Is it right to break an engagement? Now that is a question….
    Well, it is certainly hurtful, especially if it was a unilateral decision…but wrong? No, I don’t think so. I will say that she could have said to Lon, in his office, “Hey there was this guy that I loved, and I need to see him”…yes that would certainly have been honest. But the result is still the same, well unless he tied her up, or convinced her not to go, but still she was an engaged woman and was thinking about another man…no matter how honest she may have been about that, Lon still gets hurt. And, if she had gone and nothing came of Noah, then Lon may have been hurt unnecessarily. We weigh these options all the time, trying to do what we need to do in the best way we can. Do you really want to live in a world where the answer is “suck it up sister…it is what it is!”
    That picture of a world scares me.

    I don’t believe that people applaud her breaking a commitment, nor do they applaud Lon getting hurt. They applaud her finding her ONE. We all want that ONE. I am lucky…I have my ONE, but it was a hard won battle. Not with him, but with myself. Only now can I say that I am glad I went through other relationships and wound up on this side with my ONE, and with some inside wisdom I wish I had waited for my ONE until as long as it took, but I didn’t I was young, impatient, immature, clueless….I married and divorced young, and after many boyfriends later I finally met my ONE. God forbid I had had to stay in that forever because once, a long time ago, I was stupid enough to yes to a man.
    I like this thread…thanks for engaging me.

  33. René S. Garcia, Jr.


    I don’t know that I’ll ever convince you, and, unfortunately, I have other things to write, so I’ll keep this response short. I’ve never been married and I haven’t been in a long-term relationship in more years than I care to admit. However, I’ve always imagined that even in the most seemingly perfect relationship there are obstacles. There is strife. There is temptation. There is sickness, poverty, loss and any number of challenges that threaten the relationship. I believe that couples should work together to overcome those challenges; not see them as excuses to break up.

    None of this is to say that relationships shouldn’t end. I will even stipulate that bad marriages should end. In a perfect world people would know who they are and what they want and be honest with the people in their lives — especially the ones they care for most. The world will never be perfect, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t strive for that ideal world. Movies like The Notebook don’t help in that quest.

    We need movies that show couples communicating with each other, giving each other the chance to correct behavior. Instead, we get films with one person surprising the other with unilateral decisions about their relationship. (See Eat, Pray, Love where Julia Roberts’ character springs a divorce on her unsuspecting husband. Surprise!) If the story of The Notebook was presented in chronological order and stopped right after Allie made her abrupt decision to cheat on Lon and then leave him for Noah, I think audiences would agree that that was abhorrent behavior on Allie’s part. But since we see that everything worked out for Allie and she had this amazing love, then her action suddenly becomes excusable, which doesn’t make sense to me. If instead Allie’s marriage to Noah was a disaster, then audiences would be screaming at the screen, “Serves you right for doing what you did!” They wouldn’t be apologizing for her as so many have done here, because I believe most people think that Allie’s action irrespective of consequence was reprehensible.

    Additionally, her winning the Love Life Lottery is so overpowering that it makes viewers assume the best for Lon rather than the worst. How do we know he didn’t kill himself? Or get drunk, crash his car and suffer permanent brain damage? Instead, there are no consequences. (Forgive me if some kind of epilogue about Lon was given in the film. I don’t remember that part.) If something horrible did happen to Lon in response to Allie’s choice, then is Allie still a heroine in this film and should audiences still support her decision?

    At the end of the day, I keep my word, and I don’t give it lightly. I hold everyone else to the same standard. That’s the kind of world I want to live in. And that’s what should be celebrated in the art we consume. The fact that it’s not is sad commentary on society today.

    You’re welcome to have the last word. I will read it, but probably not respond. I think I’ve written everything I needed to. Thank you for visiting. I hope you’ll bring others.

  34. ya her

    i think most of the romantics of this world missed the moral of this story. do you not see how painful she became at the end? this is your typical “do good=reward, do bad=pain” in people’s lives. i am not siding with anyone in the movies, but do think that the woman in here is screwed up..and at then end, she lost everyone who ever cared about her. bad choices in life will get you to be like this woman at then end.

  35. jagers77

    You’re full of crape. Women never hag with guy of no identifiable income. I know, I’ve done experiments.

  36. j

    Seek Jesus and HE will solve all of your problems, nothing else will. God Bless.

  37. Just some random European

    I don’t know if you’ll come back to read comments to a 9-year-old blog post, but I just watched the film for the first time, and your text inspired some thought. While I love both Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams, I didn’t care much for the film. I often enjoy a well-written romcom but I just never liked The English Patient, Brokeback Mountain, The Bridges of Madison County or any of those sappy, melodramatic cheating-movies. And this one was quite silly too.

    But still, I very much disagree with you. First of all, I think you seriously underestimate women. To me, this blog post was insulting even. Like watching a silly movie could somehow change our relationship behavior! Seriously?

    Then to my main point: The movie was never about “true love” to begin with. I claim that when a girl dreams of “Notebook love”, she is not dreaming of one true love. She is dreaming of passionate love. The one with craving and very good sex.

    I’ve myself have gotten just that. I met my man on a hot summer, we began everything very passionately, were crazy about each other, fought a lot (we still do) and .. well, you know (and we still do). He actually even broke up with his girlfriend-at-the-time to be with me. So I guess very much like the film. Except that they were on a brink of breaking up anyways.

    Nowadays, many years later, we have a mortgage and were planning a baby. So the deal is for life. And there is a lot of sense in the relationship, responsibility and planning. And you know what, there’s passion and sex and it’s fab!

    I too was left feeling empty and insulted for Lon after the film. That’s actually why I started googling for blogs and comments. But I truly believe that the movie tried (poorly) to tell that Allie didn’t feel much passion for Lon. Not the right pheromones, you know, and that means actually wrong gene combinations for babies. Why this movie then? Why Notebook love? Because Allies passion for Gosling did translate very well. Like the scene on BBC Pride and Prejudice with wet Colin Firth, that does the trick for me! And both movies ended up with main actors dating IRL. Imagine, how profitable for a romcom is if the actors fall in love! People spend years dreaming for the same passion and rewatching the movies. Hopefully you found yours in the last 9 years.

    • René S. Garcia, Jr.

      Greetings from across the pond! While I have more or less walked away from this site, this article is still the most popular one I have, and I am glad you found it.

      While my intent was not to insult you (or anyone else), I won’t apologize if you do feel insulted. I think society is heavily influenced by entertainment. If people are shown that a particular behavior is accepted, then they are more likely to support that behavior in their real life. I think the inverse is true as well. I don’t think the acceptance of homosexuality and gay marriage in the last decade could have happened without the steady inclusion of gay characters and storylines in media, which helped normalize homosexuality in viewers’ consciousnesses. Likewise, if women consume entertainment that condones reprehensible behavior, like in The Notebook, then they are more likely to do something similar in their real life relationships. Even if a woman doesn’t go to the same extreme as Allie, she may still be less committed to her significant other in other ways because she has been tainted by this Notebook mentality.

      Now, regarding your personal life story: You actually exemplify my point — even if you partially agree with me about how Lon was treated. Part of the formula of The Notebook that makes it so toxic is that Allie lives happily ever after even after her reprehensible behavior. She lives happily ever after BECAUSE of her reprehensible behavior. Likewise, you have broken up a relationship and benefitted. You rationalize this by explaining that your boyfriend/husband was going to break up with his girlfriend anyway. The problem is that we can never know if they would have broken up. I’m sure that there have been many times in your fight-filled relationship where you thought that the two of you were done. Instead, you no doubt worked together to save the relationship. Imagine if instead another woman came along during one of these low points and your boyfriend/husband left you for her. If that had happened, I think your opinion of chasing passion might change. And this is where movies that glorify bad behavior comes into play. The Notebook is probably the most referenced romantic movie in modern times. It is a movie that is watched and re-watched by many women. I don’t think it is silly to imagine a woman’s judgment being affected by The Notebook if she happens to be at a temporary low point in her current relationship and is presented with a good-looking man who stokes her passion.

      Thank you for reading; it really does mean a lot to me! I’m happy that I gave you pause to think; you have done the same for me. You may have inspired me to start writing again…


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