So I was at the movies today, watching 30 Days of Night (read my review, by the way) and I saw the trailer for the next Japanese horror import, One Missed Call. This time around, we’re supposed to afraid of our cell phones. The way it works, from what I can glean from the preview, is that your phone rings with a strange ring tone. That means that mp3 of your favorite clubbing song that everyone else finds annoying will be replaced by a few upbeat chimes. Since you won’t pick up (who does these days when you don’t recognize the number? [unless you have Death as a contact]) the caller leaves a voicemail. When you check the voicemail, it’s yourself…dying. Or maybe it’s the last thing you say before you die. Or maybe it’s the last thing someone close to you says before they die. I don’t know.

What I do know is that Japan really has the market cornered on making people afraid of common things. Don’t watch this videotape or you’ll die! Don’t read that email, it came from a dead person! Don’t answer the phone, it’s a bill collector!

And his name is Death and you owe him your life!

Now that I think about it, the real horror is the knowledge of dying. I guess it’s alright if I’m walking down the street and a safe falls on my head and lights out, but what if Death called me up a week early just to screw with me?

“Hey there, René.”

“Oh hey, Death, I was just on my way out.”

“Yeah, sorry to bother you, but I just thought you should know that a safe is going to fall on your head pretty soon.”

“…What?”

“Just thought you should know. How’s the fam?”

I don’t know about you, but my next few days would definitely be horrible.